Helping Others Who Have Said “Goodbye” ~ Ministering to the Divorced and Grieving
~ With Welby O’Brien
God uses imperfect people to minister to others who are wounded and struggling.
It’s not our job to fix others who are hurting, but to come alongside.
Show them Jesus, and let His Holy Spirit flow through us. (John 15, Phil. 4:13, 2 Cor. 4, Eph. 6)
1. Do all you can to see that their immediate needs are met.
Safety, food, shelter, physical needs, finances, legal help, etc.
2. Remind them of the “3 rules.” (Taken from Goodbye for Now)
#1 Do only what is absolutely essential for right now; the rest can wait.
#2 When in doubt, wait.
#3 Take care of YOU.
3. Encourage them to maintain the Survival Checklist. (Taken from Goodbye for Now and Formerly a Wife)
Saturate yourself with scripture.
Pour out your heart to God.
Feel the feelings in a healthy way.
Let yourself cry.
Talk to someone trustworthy. Get support.
Make sleep a priority.
Fill your body with healthy things.
Do some physical activity every day.
Keep your sense of humor.
Carefully choose your sources of input.
Treat yourself, and take time off as needed.
Let go of what is beyond your control.
Count your blessings.
Trust God.
Let time work.
4. Offer/or direct them to good emotional and practical support (now and long term).
Who are the people or groups who will be with them now and for the long haul?
5. Address any interrelated issues (substance abuse, addiction, abuse, depression, family issues, financial difficulties, etc.) and offer resources.
Have resources ready so we can refer those in need.
6. Help them understand the stages of grief.
Shock and denial
Emotional reactions
Depression
Acceptance and recovery
(Anticipatory grief)
7. Encourage them to process their feelings in a healthy way.
“Feel, deal, and heal.”
8. Talk about forgiveness.
Forgiveness is not saying what they did was okay, but it is letting go, letting God’s grace flow through me, and trusting Him to deal with the other person as he also works in my heart as well.
9. Offer comfort.
“Comfort is not the removal of pain, but it is knowing that with the Lord everything is going to be all right.”
10. Pray with them, and pray for them.
Bottom line: Show them Jesus
Reflection/discussion Questions:
1. What was most helpful to you personally in your own season of grief or loss?
2. What is your biggest challenge as you minister to those who are going through the valley of divorce or grief?
3. What resources or suggestions can you share with others who also minister to those who have said “goodbye”?
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Permission granted to reprint or share anything from this talk, the website, and/or the books, provided you include the book title, my name,
and the website www.welbyo.com.
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Welby O’Brien is the author of LOVE OUR VETS: Restoring Hope for Families of Veterans with PTSD (www.LoveOurVets.org), Goodbye for Now (grief support),
and Formerly a Wife (divorce support). www.welbyo.com
All books are available on Amazon and wherever books are sold.
